Coming out...as a writer

I'll start by saying that I'm proud of my book.  I am.  Through all the self doubt and anxiety I have anytime I get a review that's anything less than perfect, I can remind myself that I made something.  I wrote it, and I put it out there for the world to see.  I love my book.  It's the story I wanted to tell, and it's a story I enjoy reading.  Some people loved my book and wouldn't change a thing.  Others disliked certain parts or disliked it altogether.  It's not for everyone. 

That being said, I'm not shouting from the rafters "I wrote a book!"  I'm not even whispering from the rafters.  The day I published I brought in muffins to work to celebrate (the store had no cupcakes. NO CUPCAKES!)  But I didn't actually tell anyone in my department that I was celebrating, much less what I was celebrating. 

And why is that, you ask?  Didn't you just say that you're proud of your book?  Yes, I'm proud of my book.  But writing has always been a very private thing for me, and I've found that many writers feel the same way.  It isn't something I talk about at all.  Of the few people outside of my immediate circle of friends that even know I write, they don't know what I write about. 

I joke that Chance Assassin is a gay hitman love story.  It is, of course, but that's not all it is.  I honestly think I struggled more with writing the blurb than I did with writing the book itself.  How do you sum up years of your work into just a few sentences?  How do you tell an acquaintance, or even a stranger, that for the past how ever many years you've been thinking about nothing but murder, and hotel rooms, and the relationship between two men that you completely made up.  I'm a crazy person!  Buy my book!

I'm rambling, so I'll get to the point.  I've decided to tell people.  Well, one person.  Maybe two.  But I'm going to do it.  I'm going to speak in a normal voice from the rafters "I wrote a book.  It's about two men, well, one man and a boy, who fall in love and go around the country killing people for money"

Misery Loves...Goodreads.com

I have to admit that I'm relatively new to Goodreads.  A friend (thank you, Amanda!) referred me to it about a month before I published my book, and honestly I felt like a kid in a candy store.

You mean I can just click what I like, and the Internet tells me what else I might like?  GENIUS!  Why hadn't I heard of this site before?

Not only is this a great place for readers to learn about new books (and even enter to win some!) but it's an amazing resource for writers to connect with their readers.  As soon as I have a paperback version I'll be adding a few to the giveaway section. 

At any rate, apart from obsessively refreshing for new reviews and updates from readers, I'm honored to say that Chance Assassin has been nominated for a list!  Best M/M Book by a Debut Author of 2013

A huge thanks to the reviewer who nominated me, and to everyone who voted.  If you haven't voted yet, please do!  And I don't just mean for mine.  That list has a ton of recommendations that I'm looking forward to checking out. 

Chance Assassin: A Story of Love, Luck, and Murder

It's been a full week now since I took the plunge.  It feels...surreal.  It's terrific, and I'm really, really happy, but it's also very odd.  It's like introducing your imaginary friends to a room full of people.  People who can actually see your imaginary friends, and speak with them, and refer to them by name.

Can The Great Zanzini come out and play?

I walk around all day in a cloud.  I click the refresh button for status updates, and view the pages on Amazon and Goodreads over and over in disbelief.  I've had some very flattering reviews and compliments, and I am so incredibly thankful to everyone for reading. 

Being the realist (or as most people would call me: pessimist) that I am, I hoped for the best and prepared for the worst.  I told myself that if just one person loved it, then I could handle any amount of hate.  Well, maybe not any amount...At any rate, someone loved it.  A few someones.  I won't get into specifics to protect their privacy, but if you're reading this blog, thank you.  Thank you for your time, and for buying (or borrowing) my book, and thank you for loving Vincent and Frank like I do.  There will be a sequel.  I promise. 

x 2

The morning after...

So, as any of you who bought my book yesterday will have noticed, there were some formatting issues after all.  I'll tell you, the previewer is a tricky thing.  None of those issues showed up.  Then I download the book on my kindle and it's     like    this  all        over

the


    place.


Seriously.  But many more hours, ten fingernails chewed, and several cups of chamomile tea gone cold later, it's fixed.  I'm waiting to hear from amazon what happens at this point, whether the updates are sent to anyone who bought it (Thank you!) but I believe it's just moving on from here.  At least now I know. 

 Hey, nobody's perfect right?  Right?  RIGHT?  I think I need more tea. 

Today's the day!

3/1/13, or as the majority of the world sees it: 1/3/13.  (You can probably guess which version I prefer...since I'm a bit of a contrarian and 13 is considered an unlucky number).

Today I am PUBLISHED!


Click here for Chance Assassin on kindle


You can borrow it free if you're on Prime, or buy it for $3.99.  (My completely unbiased advice:  BUY IT!)

That's all for today.  I'm going to go scream now.

Letting Go

Yesterday afternoon I went through the Amazon.com KDP previewer for self-publishing one final time.  One.  Final.  Time.  The formatting is correct.  I will not review it again.  I will not edit my book again, and I will prevent myself from reading it again (because re-reading always leads to more edits.)  My book is now exactly as it will be presented to my readers (assuming there is more than one reader...or even one reader) on Friday.  I will not change one single word.

Am I freaking out?

No, not at all!  Not even a little bit.  I'm not lying awake at night, shuddering in fear of typos, wondering why oh why I couldn't be born a machine that never, ever makes mistakes.  And is fluent in French. 

I'll be honest here.  Writing does not come easily to me.  I'm a very technical person.  Black and white.  My favorite subject in school was math.  I work in banking.  I like rules.  I get so excited when I see someone pulled over by the police that I nearly explode.

Take that, Rule Breaker!  BOOM!

Writing is a world of color.  Writing is all about the way something smells, and how it looks in the mid-morning light.  It's complex and multifaceted.  It's this story that unfolds in your head, and these characters whom you love despite their many, many flaws.  Characters who speak to you, and through you, and would never see the light of day without you. 

Maybe it's because I struggle with it, or because it forces me step back and view things differently, but I love writing.  I LOVE it.  When I don't have time to write, it's reflected in my mood.  If I had a checklist for Reasons of Grumpiness, which let's face it, would probably be quite helpful, the very top of the list would be "Have you written anything recently" followed by "How close is the nearest piece of chocolate?"

I can accept that I'll never be the best writer in the world.  Or the country.  I'm not even the best writer in my family.  And my handwriting is absolutely horrendous.  But it's time.  I'm doing it.  I'm going to relinquish my precious control over this thing that I've worked on for a very long time, and I'm going to put it out there for all to see.  Hopefully without any typos. 

Misery Loves...Hewitt Photography

Full disclosure, Vita and Bryan Hewitt are good friends of mine. Great friends!  Super amazing telepathic friends!  They are family.  They're also incredible photographers.  Behold:

My book cover!!!

Isn't that amazing?  The word count for my book is upwards of 115,000.  115,000 words can't describe how I felt when I saw my cover for the first time.  Awed.  Honored.  So happy I could die!  I look at this image and I actually feel like a writer.  I have a book! 

What makes it even more extraordinary, is that when I drew them a picture of what I had in mind, it looked like a camel lying on the ground with a bird flying above it.  No joke.

 This was my drawing:

Are you embarrassed for me?  I'm embarrassed for me.

They took that drawing (if you could even call it that) and miraculously made it into art.  I mean, just look at it! 

It's like magic!

Vita and Bryan also shoot portraits (in the photography sense, not the blood on the wall sense) as well as weddings and just about any other event you can come up with.  And incredible book covers, obviously.  If you're located in the San Francisco Bay Area and need a picture of something, anything, hire them!  You will not be disappointed. 

In case you don't believe me, you can see the evidence first hand on their website.  You can also follow their blog. 

Before I wrap this up so I can go drool over my cover some more, I have a special shout out for Gabe the corpse for being...well, a corpse, and his wife Hilary for cooking up the blood.  If it wasn't for the two of you, and for Vita and Bryan, I would just have a camel and a bird.  Thank you so, so much!